I recently became sober and have noticed that I'm 1,000% more antisocial than I was before. This is becoming a struggle for me especially, as the holidays are approaching. It sucks because I have great neighbors who have become like best friends to me. They've only known me for 4 years as a drinker who would talk to them every day and even show my face outside. Since I've been sober for a week, I've found myself avoiding them at all costs and experiencing serious social anxiety. The irritation and horrible mood I'm having from not drinking aren't helping either. Whenever I get invited to someone's house or a girls' trip, I always make excuses so I can't go. I feel like a terrible parent because I put my social anxiety ahead of my child's social relationships. I dread playdates and have forced myself to go only a handful of times since I quit drinking. I stopped asking "so what are you doing this weekend?" in fear that I would hear "we're going to so and so wanna come?" I started realizing that I could only use the I'm sick excuse so much. I believe most of us who are antisocial don't want to be this way, including me. I started researching ways that I could learn how to be non-antisocial.
1. Set Goals And Start Small
Write down on a piece of paper what your goals are. Do you want to make more friends? Or, do you just want to feel more comfortable in social situations etc., etc., For me, I don't have a problem making more friends. My anxiety comes from being in social situations. I hate the awkward silence when talking to people especially, one-on-one. So for example, I wrote down that I will start actually crossing the street to talk to my neighbor instead of staying on my driveway (lol). I also wrote down that the next time I get invited to an event or playdate I'm going no matter what. I'm only sticking to these two for now as I'm starting off small to not get overwhelmed.
2. Plan Conversations Beforehand
This is big and helpful for me. If I know where I'm going ahead of time, I start thinking about how to start the conversation. I usually wait for them and then go with the flow. Depending on the person I'm visiting, I think of topics to bring up beforehand. If I'm visiting my son's friend's mom from school, I'll probably bring up their opinions on what's going on with the curriculum or the teacher and so forth. I try to think about other things to start off other than "so.....what have you been up to?" Think about shared views and interests to avoid small talk.
3. Expose Yourself To Social Interaction
I practice this every day and I have to say, it's really helped me. My husband is a total extrovert and makes friends with strangers everywhere he goes. I'm usually sitting in the car at a gas station or (used to be a liquor store) and watch him chatting away with strangers. I would always roll my eyes and think "really?" but secretly I was a little jealous. Whenever I would go out in public I made sure to make eye contact with a passer bye and either nod or smile. When approaching a cashier I try to be the first one to say "hi, how are you?" and then follow up with "it's so nice outside" or something like that. Keep it brief after all, they still have a job to do. Focusing on making eye contact and smiling for me has helped a lot.
4. Avoid Avoidance Behavior
We've all done it, even those who are extroverts. Once a conversation goes silent, we resort to staring at our phones. Avoiding antisocial behaviors like this will help break the habit. Turn your phone off when you can in social situations. Don't stand by yourself in a corner or stand in a corner with only your partner. Just because you are at a big party, you're still antisocial if you're not socializing with people other than your spouse or best friend. Challenge yourself to speak to a certain amount of people before you leave.
5. Take Time For Yourself
While that sounds antisocial it's important so you don't revert back to an introvert. If you've had a large social gathering the day or night before, spend the next day riding solo. Stay inside watching movies, or go outside for a walk. You need to remember you shouldn't change who you are, you're just tweaking a small part of yourself. It's still ok to be your old self at times, and it will help you refuel and be more confident when more social situations arise.
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